Dear Studio

Dear Studio,

 I will be there soon I promise. It's just that I have this endearing and life affirming project that I'm working (playing) on and I'm swept up in it. The rest of it that's not planted yet will be for the Food Bank and I've committed to spending some of my community service hours on the P-Patch itself. I'm hoping you'll understand. 

See? Those greens at the top are transplanted wildlings that came with the plot. Chards and Carrots. In the left box is some new Arugula seeds. It's that pointy Arugula that is a little spicier and grows a little slower. In the other box is a Sunchoke plant. I've never eaten it but I'm gonna give it a try. I hear it has beautiful yellow flowers. At the ends of  both the boxes there are Strawberries and in the middle are Nasturtiums. Those little ones on the edge are Corn!!! Who knows, huh? And bringing up the front are a couple of Artichokes.

So you see, I have to go where the Muse sends me. She's the boss. She says I'll be with you soon.

Much love,

Deb

Bit By Bit

Worked on this right after work. Couldn't wait. Got home, changed into my garden clothes and shoes, grabbed the gloves AND the drill and headed off to Shiga Garden.

There needs to be more dirt/compost. There are wild carrots, chard, and violas that have claimed territory and so it goes. There is one wild chard, in the path, in the far corner that I'll transplant early in the morning. This is happiness in a nutshell.

Wow

Woke up with a sore throat and snuffles. Not crazy bad but thought I would just rest up since tomorrow is an early work day and probably an entire day of cashiering. Then, at about 2 I just had to gather my gloves, knee pads, and rain jacket and head to my new garden space. Best idea I've had in a long time for so many reasons.

Beyond peaceful. One family was there. Young ones with their 2 year old ("I"m almost 3 in June"). She and I eventually were able to share some of our stories. I was pulling carrots out while weeding and she got to eat some of them.

The sky was filled with blues and greys and the sweetest air was all around. I worked and worked and worked and there was this one moment I realized that I would not have been able to do the work I was doing, last year. My body would not have allowed it. There would have been an intense feeling of fragility and a little paranoia about pain and injury. Today, there was none of that. I am so grateful. Whether it be my no grains, no sugar, no dairy, no legumes diet, or whether it be just some kind of change in my psyche, the smile inside me was probably lighting up the world. I just need to say thanks to whatever is helping.

Half my life ago I had cut out letters and hung them on my wall. Big letters. They said, "Confidence in one's body is confidence in one's Self. Yep. Usually I learn things more than once, or even twice.

I'm not quite finished. I wanted to stay but it was getting dark and I need to remove this trellis that is something of a fence that makes one edge of the weeding a challenge. That comes down next visit. (It's screwed on or it would be gone now) I can't wait to go back!!!

BEFORE

WORK IN PROGRESS

New Members of the Cave Family

"The ants go marching two by two haroo haroo". Normally. But in the Cave, there are only two, as far as I can tell. They've been here for months. A little tiny bit of crack at the corner of the tub is their entry. They don't have to use the front door. So when I happen to be "sitting" there, there they are, Barney and Malcolm.

My stereotype of ants is that they run in lines, many, many ants to and fro. Barney and Malcolm, rebels that they are, only inhabit that one little corner and never follow each other and NEVER go in a line. Barney prefers to explore the edge of the bath mat, while Malcolm's main route is discovering, in detail, where the floor and the wall meet. 

I've thought about putting some food out for them. I'm not sure what they're finding to eat. Sometimes I wonder if they're lost and looking for their other family.  However, as much as I love them I think that I will have to trust that they are managing just fine and don't need rescuing. They are on their own path and it just happens to be in the corner of my bathroom.

Added to my list of things to do.... get to know more about ants.

They Call Him Grumpy

I'm a dog person but I LOVE this cat!

Solitude's Mirror

Glass painting on dichroic glass shimmering with light. The image brings me to a place I shared once with a friend. She always reminded me to Walk in Balance and to Trust My Self. This piece brings me back to that place on my path. Reminds me to walk on the earth alone, at times, and remember who I truly am.

1949

So my hair is about that length, these days. I'm only guessing about my age but I'd say less than a year. So maybe it's 1950. There is a Prince Edward cigar box on the floor and some metal iron and a fondue pot on the counter, or whatever that is. And maybe that's one of those little cans of lighter fluid. The almost faded words on the back, in my mothers handwriting, "Hello, Daddy." I was probably waiting to see what would happen next. Sometimes you never know. Right?

The photo has been folded or cracked, somehow. That chair, probably where my mom sat to feed me. Looking at this picture, I have some pure undefined emotion. And there is some that have words, like compassion and love.

Direction

When I was younger I felt mostly a "cast your fate to the wind" directionlessness, except for the knowing that I would bring my son into the world someday. Later, after his birth and toward the end of my time to watch over him daily, I found direction by vowing to my Self to live within and understand Peace. With that vow, I also realized that Self Intimacy, knowing who I am, must be the criteria for decisions/direction. That still holds true. I feel more peaceful about it though. :::smiling::: And in getting to know who I am I strive to love and honor what I find.

This piece, somehow, brings all of that to mind. Maybe it's the way that sphere at the bottom is like a focal point and all the choices lead to it. Like the direction of "within". Existing within and also surrounding like how the entire Universe is contained within our consciousness.

:::chuckling::: I swear I haven't smoked any pot.

Plot 7715

Ecstatic. Got an email today telling me that plot 7715 at the Shiga P-Patch is now MINE!!! So, so happy. I can't wait to start planting. First I will meet with the coordinator to get a tour. There is a shed with community tools. And then I'll find out which little raised bed is 7715. I think I'll name her something. She needs more than a number.

In the meantime, the sweet tubs are growing the most moist spinach and tasy chard. The new little pot has two fuchsia that will be a kind of dark purple blue and pink flower. The sweet peas are starting to climb, although I have to remind them to not climb on the violas, and the garlic is getting taller every day.

Life is good.

Heart of Joy

Another piece from one of the firings of glass from Bedrock Industries, a stone and glass recycling place.

Love This One Today

And I always love Chris Pureka.

Rebirth

The first completion of a piece from  this last firing of recycled glass. The stones are Jasper. The big ones and some of the smaller ones are Mookaite. Also a kind of Jasper. I love this glass. It moves me. Whispers to me about the companions it wants to be paired with. Speaks to me, sometimes not so humbly, about it's beauty. She wanted earth stones and brass and silver. So, of course, that's what she got.

Before and After

Before

After - Now they're all flat!

Word of the Day

It's gotta be "fiasco".Or possibly "debacle". Fiasco sounds so Italian and debacle sounds, to me, like something from the Ocean.

But tonight, either of them purely describes me, just getting home from work, preparing to make myself a little din din, opening the fridge and dropping the Sunflower Seed oil container to the floor and having to mop up, somehow, 8-10 ounces of oil from my wood like kitchen flooring.

Looking around, in dismay, but with also a kind of grin because it's all so ridiculous, I find some cleaning tools. 1. A spray can of carpet cleaner, which I soon discover, does not spray but performs a kind of oozing of thick foam into a pile that drops like heavy white plops onto the floor. 2. Paper towels. 3. A spray bottle of stain remover. 4. A never been opened or used wet/dry Swiffer. What was I thinking? 5. Some Arrow Root powder, which I had purchased to try out a new Almond Flour Tortilla recipe but was now considering using it to soak up the oil that had flung itself upon the carpet.

I hadn't thought about using oil to shine the plasticness of the flooring, but in the future I might. At this point it all seems to be not too slippery and the large pool of oil is gone. The carpet? Well, I haven't vacuumed it yet. Wish me luck.

Maybe I'll keep one of these around just in case.

Yum Experiment

ok. Spent the entire day in the studio and had sooooo much fun. On my way here stopped at the local stone and glass recycling place, Bedrock, and got some blown glass broken pieces. I think most of them were from ornaments and some from the beginnings of paper weights. Some were tumbled (they do it in a cement mixer) and some were their original shiny selves. So I put them in the kiln, not knowing at all, what the hell I was doing. I've done some shards before but for the most part these are much much thinner. So I've got the kiln set to the usual 1450° and by the time it reached 1250° they were all flat as a pancake. Panic ensued. As fast as my researcher brain could go I found a temperature and a time for annealing the pieces and crossed my fingers.

I'm pretty excited. This is, basically, how I started making fused glass. By the seat of my pants. With a little science and a lot of crazy Sacred Fool journeyism, and some wonderful magic. I used to call it "making samplers".

Let There Be Light

When I was young changing the headlight meant pulling the whole front of the headlight assembly off and pulling out the entire headlight to put in a new one. Now, many many many years later, it's altogether a different story .

This thing is about 3 inches long, which would seem fairly small IF it wasn't on the driver's side of the car. You see, on the passenger side of the car there is no battery. But the battery is in the way on the other side. 

So in the parking lot of Home Depot (where I went to get some tools I might need) I found myself under the hood taking apart everything I needed  in order to get the battery out to get to the back of the headlight to eventually find myself strutting about proudly with a burnt out bulb. Probably took me quite a bit longer than a professional, but I didn't care. A bruised knuckle, a fair amount of grease and only one little nut that jumped to the ground and refused to be found. Ah well, I'm sure the battery will stay put. It was a great and satisfying day.  : }

Trust

This sign is up 24-7,  52 weeks a year.

For me, this does not inspire confidence.

Repost

This post was originally written in October 2010. It was the beginning of the relationship that was ended recently. I loved reading it again. Gave me the perspective of my own sight, my own way of loving. Remembering myself in that time helped me to reconnect with and love, some parts of myself I tried to dismiss as broken or lost forever.

I know I am a fool.

Went to the bookshelf, zoned in on a book, opened to a page. A kind of tarot, seems childish, pure. Kinda pure. Maybe there was a wee bit of educated soulful guessing. After all, it is the words of Jeanette. Right? Wonderin' what will I make of what's there on this published Ouija board.

"Walk with me, hand in hand through the neon and styrofoam. Walk the razor blades and the broken hearts. Walk the fortune and the fortune hunted. Walk the chop suey bars and the tract of stars.

I know I am a fool, hoping dirt and glory are both a kind of luminous paint; the humiliation and exaltations that light us up. I see like a bug, everything too large, the pressure of infinity hammering at my head. But how else to live, vertical that I am, pressed down and pressing up simultaneously? I cannot assume you will understand me. It is just as likely that as I invent what I want to say, you will invent what you want to hear. Some story we must have. Stray words on crumpled paper. A weak signal into the outer space of each other.

The probability of separate worlds meeting is very small. The lure of it is immense. We send starships. We fall in love."

Jeannette Winterson, Gut Symmetries

Science

Ah yesterday. The sun was shining and I had errands everywhere. So I walked. Left my car in it's perfectly positioned and rare parking space, and walked. The sun was bright, the air was coolish, people meandered on every sidewalk. One time I stopped for awhile and wrote down tidbits of conversations I heard in passing.

"Well, was it personal or social?"   Now there's a question I've never thought to ask myself about anything. I might start. Could create some interesting information/speculation.

All the surveys I've done online were never good surveys."  How many surveys have you done online???? I have never even started one.

giggle giggle giggle... "he needs social skills."  I wonder if giggling is on the "good social skills" list.

The diagram in the photo is a picture I took in a little coffee shop where I went to wait for a barber shop chair to open up. I'm going to take it to work and have one of my science darlings look at it and tell me what it's all about.

So I never made it to the studio. Just couldn't bear the idea of being inside on such a glorious Spring day. That's ok. I'll go on my next days off. The ideas have been flowing.